just a little mutter
So you have goals. Who's trying to stop you? "Is that the best I can be?" There are times in life when you realize there are things you cannot do. In those moments, you decide to either to accept it or to fight for it." - Huy Nguyen
For a split second, I thought: my spine might be giving up on me because for past a month, I've been fighting with severe pain, discomfort, numbness of my legs, arms, shoulders, knees, every joint I have, then the neck, and back; well, yes, the entire body. It seems like I can't do anything - I can't sleep, sit, stand, run, walk comfortably. When I stretch and try to do yoga, I scream bloody murder and want to cry. That's why this page of my website (alongside my social media) hasn't been getting the usual love/attention since I can barely keep up with things. But today, I simply wanted to take a moment and connect with you guys a little bit - feeling depressed because this sitting is making my legs and wrists numb, and appreciated at the same time because I do notice so many positive things in my life.
It's just a scoliosis. Yes, it's a little severe that doctors have recommended me to do a major operation every time I see them. But I was born with it and many people have it. So just deal with it. But how could this become so annoying and unbearable now? Is it me just getting old? Oh please no... I'm only 34. I feel like I'm a better person with that double digit. 10 years ago? Forget it.
I've been shooting and second-shooting 16 weddings in this past month. That is a crazy number. And mentally, I can go more because I'm really obsessed with freezing moments. And I'm so thankful that my clients allow me to do the job I love the most. They invite me into their lives and let me document their most precious memories and important moments of their lives.
There are a couple of things I say often at weddings. "It is what it is. It's all part of the day," with BIG-ASS smiles. And I mean those smiles. Weddings are filled with all of the ups and downs, ins and outs, and moments of fear and worry, but most importantly, filled with euphoria, love and celebrations. Everything is so REAL, and it should be. Call me a creeper, and I love it. I don't want anyone to fake anything for me, and I'm going to promote the shit out of this idea for life.
Yesterday, I got an e-mail from my client with full of happiness and raving about my presence and "non-presence" at their wedding earlier this month. This truly made my day and I laughed out loud imagining them.
"We had an awesome mini-moon in Big Sur and snapped as many photos as we can. We actually learned from you too, as Tomasz occasionally moved a couple of things out of the way of the shot saying to me or himself, 'No, no, no, Annie wouldn't be happy!' lol"
This is why I keep going - despite of my horrible spine. As I learned from one of my mentors, Huy Nguyen; I'm accepting my conditions, yet I'm going to fight for my goals. Heck yeah!