I didn't grow up with hugs and kisses. I grew up in a family where committing suicide was a regular conversational topic or a possible solution to your own frustration. To this date, it is my biggest fear that it might actually happen to any of my family; I just pray that it wouldn't. My dad wanted to be a good provider so he was almost never present (but his money was) when I was growing up while my depressed mom could play the victim all day long. So you see, I am never a stranger to disappointment and frustration. Learning how to endure my own disappointment and frustration has always been part of my life, and I had been so consumed with who I was "supposed to be."
So Foundation First Workshop was really weird to me in the most positive way; it didn't teach me to become someone else, rather encouraged to discover and bring out more of me. Beyond camera skills and how to look for the "light," my mentors taught me how to embrace life, simply exist, connect, wait, observe and work with what you already have - your HEART.
Honestly, I had wanted the perfect recipe - those juicy secrets from these world-class photographers - because I'm a 35-year-old, who barely got out of a divorce, trying to be a wedding photographer (which is, yes, ironic) with just one-year experience in the industry; I felt like time was running away from me. Then the whole FF experience reminded me to take a step back, take a deep breath and evaluate where I was and where I came from, and that there is no straight line to success. All those bumps, slip-offs and embarrassments are perhaps what made my fate; without them, what would've shaped my life? If I never veered off course, I wouldn't be this emotional, weird and sympathetic and be able to produce the work and stories that resonate with others.
During the workshop, you may feel like you're lost because there is a lot of soul-searching and finding out who you are and why you do and want to keep doing this. At least for me, it was. FF also proved that the frustration was not an interruption of my process; yet it is the process. These greatest mentors assured me to dream and believe; most importantly, it is okay to screw up because that's just a part of it all.
As strange as this may sound, because of those photos my dad took of our family whenever he had chances and those albums my mom had thoughtfully put together, I know they loved and love me a lot. And now when I'm photographing someone else's life, I'm loved again.
Thank you everyone, Huy Nguyen, Tyler Wirken, Sergio, Gulnara Samoilova, Craig Fritz, Candice C. Cusic, Joe Appel, Jan Garcia, Kelly Rashka, Sherry Pickerell, McKenzie Ring, Christine Sanchez, Bridget Eldridge, Jenny Petersen, Veronica Rodriguez-Branson, Juan Carlos Calderon, Melissa Suneson, Rob Whelan, Kate Anderson, Rhea Skogen, Mark Skogen, Tina Shah Doshi, Shelly Sessions, and last but not least Katie Noble Harris.
